


And One For Jack

by jeeno2



Series: Short Stories From the Vortex [17]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Innuendo, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 16:07:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6963655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeeno2/pseuds/jeeno2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack lies wide awake, blinking at the ceiling, listening to what might actually be the filthiest, most salacious conversation he’s ever heard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And One For Jack

**Author's Note:**

> Pure crack. Written for timepetalsprompts' weekly ficlet prompt: "sausages".

“Blimey, Doctor.  It’s... well, it’s justreally  _thick_ , yeah?  Dunno if I’ll be able to get my lips around that.”  Rose sounds uncertain.  Nervous.

“Oh, Rose.  Sure you will!” the Doctor says, reassuringly.  “It’s nice and juicy.  You’ll see!  It’ll slip right in.”

Jack -- who thirty seconds ago had been soundly, blissfully asleep in the bedroom that shares a thin wall with the TARDIS kitchen -- suddenly sits bolt upright, unable to believe what he’s hearing.

At first, Jack hadn’t wanted this bedroom.  He likes to sleep late.  And he does _not_ like being woken in the middle of the night by Rose, rummaging around in cupboards for a midnight snack, or by the Doctor, who usually likes a cup of tea early in the morning.

But today -- as Jack lies wide awake, blinking at the ceiling, listening to what might actually be the filthiest, most salacious conversation he’s ever heard -- he thanks whatever god might be listening for this stroke of excellent luck.

“I still don’t know, Doctor,” Rose continues.  “I tried something like this once, with another bloke.  It was... I dunno.  Kinda gross, I guess?  Too salty.  It made me gag.”

“You’ve never tried mine!” the Doctor protests.  “I’ve heard nothing but raves. Please?  Just try it?”  A beat.  “It’d mean a lot to me.  Just one little lick. For me?”

 _Yeah, Rose.  Try it!_  Jack thinks, grinning like mad.  He’s sitting on the edge of his bed, now, biting his nails in anticipation.   _Go on, do it!_

Rose gives a long, put upon sigh.

“Oh, all right, Doctor,” she says.  “Come here.”

Jack can’t hear anything else for quite a long time after that.  Not for lack of trying.  He’s got his ear pressed up against the shared wall, willing one or the other of them to make some kind of sound, to say something, _anything_ , to give him an idea of what’s happening in there.

Just when he’s about to bang on the wall and demand they get _on with it_  already, he hits the jackpot.  “Ohhhhh, Doctor,” Rose says at last, drawing out the words on a long, breathy moan.  “You were right.  Oh, god, you were _so right_.  Ugh, this is _amazing_.  The best.  How did I live before having this in my mouth?”

_Yesssssss!_

“Ugh, yes!   _Rose_ , this is amazing.  Incredible.” The Doctor is moaning now too.  “Oh gods, it’s just been so long.  This is better than... _ugh_... better than I... remembered...”

“Do you have more?”  There’s an edge of greediness in Rose’s voice.  Jack supposes he can’t really blame her for that.  He’d probably want as many as the Doctor had, too, if he were in her shoes.  The poor dear.  “I want a second one.  A third. Oh, please, Doctor.  Can’t you give me another?”

The Doctor moans again, and then chuckles softly.  “Oh, I’d hoped you would ask me that, Rose Tyler,” the Doctor says hoarsely.  “As it happens, I do have two more in reserve that I’ve been saving for a special occasion.”

Jack’s eyes go so wide they nearly pop out of his head.  The Doctor has... more than one? He’s heard of such things in his travels, of course.  Even came across a bloke once who claimed he had two.  But that had only happened that one time, and Jack has long suspected that guy was just making things up to get a common friend of theirs into bed.

Rose groans again.  “Oh please, Doctor.  Please?  If you’ve got more than one can’t you give me another?”

The Doctor sighs.  “You can have a second one.  I’ll go get it.  But just one more for you, all right?  I’m saving the other one for Jack. Planning to give it to him once he's finally up."

Jack has to bite his hand to keep from choking on his tongue.  The Doctor is... saving one of them for... _him?_

It’s like a whole lifetime of Christmases have come early.

He quickly decides he’s heard more than enough.  He’s out of bed and out of his bedroom as fast as his feet can carry him, not even bothering to change out of his pyjamas or brush his teeth.  He runs his hands through his disheveled hair, hoping he looks at least halfway presentable, and throws open the door to the kitchen without bothering to knock.

The sight of the Doctor and Rose Tyler sitting next to each other, completely non-naked, at the kitchen table, sharing a plateful of what looks like Vendalusian sausages is like a bucket of icy cold water over his head.

“Jack!” the Doctor greets him happily.  “Pull up a chair.  You simply must try one of these.”  He pushes a second plate over towards Jack, grinning.

Jack has never been so unhappy to be greeted with a hearty breakfast in his life. 


End file.
